Hey cats and kits, what's happening? A lot's been going on here, none of which is particularly interesting.
What is interesting is that it's October! And in October, I brave the forces of my extremely wimpy nature and play a horror game. This year I've chosen Silent Hill: Homecoming, and as a change of pace, I will write up a nice, slightly muddled post about the story. Think of it as cliff notes for weird games.
Until that time, I'm going to post a list of notes and thoughts that I've jotted down while playing the game. Warning: they may not all make sense, even IN context.
Starts in a creepy hospital. Voice acting is surprisingly good.
We're going to take this guy and experiment on him. Better give him a torch.
OH GOD CEILING CORPSE
Why is the mirror bleeding? Well, there's a knife in it, obviously.
Hell waited until I had a weapon before opening a portal. That's considerate.
OUT OF NOWHERE A WHEELCHAIR
Stab a door open. It's a spine. Except then it becomes a fleshy open portal with teeth.
Here's the thing, repressed sexual aggression was James' problem. Why is this soldier trying to find his brother being plagued by sexual metaphors.
I should probably watch the opening cinematic.
There was a bug on my face and I couldn't tell.
But thanks for letting me know I got an achievement there, xbox.
Couldn't decide if i wanted to go down the hallway or through the door. Turns out the hallway just had an achievement.
How do you feel about beating up a bunch of women, soldier? Do you feel like a man?
Creepy boy has asked me for a toy. Yeah kid, I'll get your devil toy for you.
A toy was just pulled through a gaping, bleeding gash. Really?
And I have to stick my hand in it! I get attacked, of course.
VAGINAS ARE NOT THAT SCARY, YOU GUYS
This torch is shit. Who the hell made this torch? I want to complain to the manager.
Somebody get hell's manager, I need to complain about this torch.
I get it, 100 doors I can't open is very spooky. It also means I can't find my way so that I get lots and lots of time to listen to your foley man try
to scare the piss out of me.
IT'S WORKING BY THE WAY
AW JESUS KID DON'T RUN AWAY AGAIN man fuck you.
I really need to watch the opening cinematic.
WHAT THE FUCK
it was a dream. He was dreaming.
Oh shit, this IS the opening cinematic.
EVERYTHING THAT JUST HAPPENED TO ME WAS THE BIT BEFORE THE OPENING CINEMATIC.
"Good luck, soldier." says the creepy truck driver. He failed to add "Hope we can do that again some time" while looking wistful.
Gay jokes! Always funny.
So in the dream of hell that I had I picked up a knife, a first aid kit, and a health drink. I started, for some reason, with a radio and a torch.
Back in the real world, I have everything except the torch and the radio. O... kay then.
I guess that torch was recalled for being shite.
All the doors in this town are broken. A proper locksmith could make a killing.
OH GOD THE FACIAL ANIMATIONS ARE THEY DEMONS FROM HELL OH GOD
THAT'S NOT A JUDGE THAT'S A SUCCUBUS TAKEN HUMAN FORM KILL HER BEFORE SHE BURSTS FROM HER HUMAN SHELL
I'm back home. Looks like nobody's mowed the lawn in a while. I bet I'll get bitched out about that.
His jacket is a camo jacket.
A lone chair parked in the middle of the living room. I'm sure mom doesn't rock in it while she stares at the wall and mutters. That would be crazy!
An army of grandmas lives in this house.
The doilies! The doilies of DOOM.
Konami, take note: Next game should have a hell demon that is based off a doily.
I'm calling it: the soldier isn't real, he's a figment of the creepy kid's imagination. He is a manifestation of the kid's desire to please his father,
who is a former soldier.
Oh good, it's the shite flashlight again. It's like an old friend.
Mom went to the Torgo school of acting.
"I had this dream. I just have a feeling he's in trouble. Don't worry about it." COMFORT SON WINS AGAIN.
New zombie model! He has a vagina face. I AM FORCED YET AGAIN TO REITERATE THAT LADIES ARE NOT THAT SCARY.
To get into the spirit of things, I have pushed over a dress form. Take that, women.