Silent Hill: Homecoming: Return of the Jedi

First post can be found here
And the second post, here

Well here we are again

It's always such a pleasure

Remember when you tried to kill me twice?

so instead of a genuinely fun game like Portal, I'm playing Silent Hill: Homecoming.  I get to redo an hour's worth of gameplay because of some goddamned, bitchy nurses.  Bitches.

Oh great, I forgot that hole-in-the-door woman went to the same acting school as mom.

"I wonder who slept in this bed last" I gotta be honest with you buddy, that would be the last thing I would be thinking about in a mouldering, demon infested hotel.

Must be that military training.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.

I have played through the same part 3 times. FUCK this game.

I have finally gotten some pistol ammunition, so I can take care of these ladies like God intended.

WITH BULLETS

You don't fool me with your sexy walk, evil demon nurses.

SAVE POINT SAVE POINT

oh man save point, will you marry me?  Ours is a pure, wholesome love.

So after all that, hole-in-the-door lady gives me a key and says thanks.  Uh, really?

Can't a former marine get some love?

What's behind mystery door number 3?!

It's Josh.  Fucking brat.

So you're telling me after years of military training, not only can Alex not clear that jump, he doesn't possess the upper body strength to hoist himself out of a hole?

The secret ending is that Alex's 'military service' was all a scam to get some VA benefits.

"I wonder what I've fallen into?"  I-it's a dining room, Alex.  There are chairs and tables and plates.  Okay?  It is clearly a dining room.

Alex, are you sure you should be wandering around without a caregiver or something?

That's Mayor Bartlett?

Huh.

Oh, oops.  Bye-bye Mayor Bartlett.

Oh Alex, Jesus can't protect you now.

This giant, clearly-a-boss-monster is very giant and screeching, but what I don't understand is: why is he vomiting up black tar?

Yup, that's the one thing that stands out to me.

Now pardon me while I hide in the closet and cry.

I killed the monster, and it fell down a giant, unending hole.  Huh.  Wonder what that symbolizes.

OH JESUS FUCKING SAVIOUR CHRISTING HELL ALEX ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO STAND BY THE GIANT GATEWAY TO HELL?

hurr durr hurr

Maybe this game will surprise me, and Alex won't fall down the h--...nevermind.

Twat.  Twat.  Idiot.  Useless twat.

I woke up in a jail cell.  In walks a racist caricature.  YAY.

The racist caricature let me out when I told him that the mayor had been killed by a creature.  YAY.

Uh, sir?  There's a giant bloodstain on the floor?  Sir?

...

YAY.

I have no weapons.  There's growling.  Oh god.  Where the fuck are my weapSAVE POINT.

We have to stop meeting like this, save point.

And start meeting like THIS.

Racist caricature died pretty quickly.  Ah well.  We hardly knew ye.

New creatures!  The achievement I get is Split Personality.  DUDE I AM SO CALLING IT, ALEX DOESN'T REALLY EXIST.